I can’t seem to find a job since my school decided that all International Joint PhD students (namely, me) cannot work at Iliff despite me being a student at BOTH Iliff School of Theology and University of Denver. Such stupid interpretation of immigration law does nothing to help me and the incoming international students in securing a job. It doesn’t help the situation either when the school is so strapped for cash that they’re not doing enough to help finance their PhD students all the way through their degrees. No money and no opportunities to teach. And it’s not that I’m not trying. I have tried to the best of my abilities to look for a job in school, but to no avail.
I suppose one can say that this is all “part of the Lord’s plan.” Or that God will not give us anything that we cannot bear. Or… my personal favorite, that is, “God will provide a way out in due time.” But to be honest, I’m getting sick of all this “explaining your sorrows/problems away” bullshit. This is the damn trump card that we always play whenever there is pain and suffering. I’m not exactly the one that believes that our lives are set once we “give our hearts to the Lord.” On the contrary, I do believe that being a Christian does not necessitate a good life, or a life that would be pain free. And yes, in times of despair, God is truly with us. I believe wholeheartedly that God is weeping with us whenever God’s children is experiencing grief, pain and sorrow.
Yes, that’s great and I am all for a God that takes into consideration our cries of pain and suffering. It is indeed a comforting notion. But for once, I would really love it if God would stop crying and get God’s ass off and do something for my situation. For those perished in wars, famine, disease and disasters. I don’t want a God that just cries with me. I want a God that actually brings evil doers to justice, and I don’t mean evil doers in the sense of terrorists or blatantly violent/murderous people, though they do deserve their justice. I am talking about those who are exploiting others for their own benefits. Those who oppress their neighbors as if there were delinquent or degenerate. Those who think that non-Protestant Christians are somehow “wrong” and advocate for their destruction or assimilation, etc.
I am not seeking for a sophisticated theological answer nor am I looking for words of comfort/encouragement. Most of all, I do not need rational reasonings/lectures behind this question. I’m merely pointing out the situation. Such words ring hollow to me, if not insulting to my intelligence/personhood. Most of all, I will not tolerate condescension.
I am compelled to believe that the Christian God that I serve and worship is a God that can do whatever the hell that pleases God, including less than stellar things. And there is nothing we humans can do about it. We can either suck it up or stick with their God that at times promises justice and salvation for the disenfranchised and oppressed and at times rains death and destruction to those who “disobeys” God.
I will close with Rorschach’s quote from the Graphic Novel Watchmen:
The World will look up and shout, “Save us!” And I’ll look down and whisper, “NO!”